Notes to random people

Dear Werder Bremen fanshop,

Can I assume that since y'all haven't gotten back to me to tell me I need to pay an extortionate number of Euros of shipping, I'm not getting anything from you? Because I've needed a lot of sleep lately, and it's hard for me to wake up early enough in the morning to call y'all.

Love,
me

Dear my landlord,

Just wondering - is there a way you could tell me weeks in advance when you're going to test the fire alarm, so I could make sure to get a hotel room for the duration in case I want to sleep late?

Thanks,
me

Dear my old landlord,

You owe me a ton of money because I paid an extra month's worth of rent.

Thanks,
me

Dear the ref of the Chelsea-Barcelona game,

What in the world? And I know it's the Sun, but what in the world was THIS?

Hate,
me