Yanno, if I'm going to fixate on blonds from England, Alan Smith isn't a bad specimen. Too bad if that if I even tried to watch Chelsea and Manchester United at the same time, dismissing the idea of following them both, my head would literally explode. As does his, evidently, every time he uses that bleach.

He's a better object of fixation because I think I know where he is right now...prolly with Steve McClaren at national team training. Though I have no idea exactly where England training might be.

Holy crap, SportsCenter is scaring me because they've got some guy discussing dogfighting and his voice and face are masked.

Oh lord, he reminds me of vintage Adam Pascal-as-Roger-in-Rent in terms of hair, at least. And of course that refers to Mr. Smith, not the guy whose face is masked on TV (or Steve McClaren, for that matter).

And Becks returning to the national team? All I can say is that I don't feel as bad about having two posters of him on my wall anymore - they've been there for seven years. And his hair right now is scary, and his tattoos make me shudder, and not in a good way.

The last aesthetic decision that made me shudder in that way was Michael Ballack's August haircut. It was fugly. His hair didn't grow out to a length I liked until March even though at that point he looked vaguely like Joey from the New Kids on the Block. And then he chopped off an inch.

Eww, my apartment smells. I hope it's not burning plastic from the mess in my crawlspace.