This new fascination with the Iberian Peninsula has led me to look up hotels I stayed at in Spain in 1988 - I still remember their names.

The most infamous must have been the Casa Suecia in Madrid. They were a Best Western in the middle of renovations at the time, and the hotel was a literal hole in the wall - there was supposed to be an elevator where the hole was. One afternoon, the power went out for hours so my parents napped and my sister and I played with our new Playmobil (the first trip to Spain, we got Cabbage Patch Kids).

That place, now known as Hotel Suecia, was such a mess that we called it Casa Sucia. Damn dirty inn.

Another funny hotel name was Los Gallos Sol in Cordoba (sorry, I'm too lazy to accent that correctly). I guess the Sol hotels had bought the Gallos chain or vice versa, probably the first because there's now a place called "Hotel Tryp Gallos." In Spanish, Los Gallos Sol loosely translates to "Roosters of the Sun" which, when you're under 12, is lyk, the funniest thing EVAR. Well, the funniest thing ever that doesn't involve fart jokes.

Speaking of fart jokes, I think that hotel had a sign that said "please to put your butts in the ash hole." That might have been the funniest thing ever at the time.

Then there was the outside door to the pool area blowing off its hinges in Segovia and the swarms of bees in Toledo. But those weren't funny.

Quiero regresar a España ¡ahora!