Dear ESPN the Magazine,

Why did y'all have to run the article on Khalil Greene the day after the Padres left Boston? The headshot accompanying the piece was so hot it made me whimper, and now I'm probably going to have to wait months until I can even see San Diego on TV again. I managed to catch one inning of the rerun of Sunday's Yankees game, but that wasn't enough to establish either his alleged pulchritude or his playing ability as a shortstop. But judging from how "different" he is, I may finally have found a new favorite baseball player.

Love,
me